Follow-up

First of all, we're so grateful for all the well-wishes and supportive responses we've received.  Thank you everyone! It means a lot to us.

Second, I've been thinking about some things I'd like to acknowledge.  I've been thinking about them for weeks and weeks, actually.

I just really want to express my feelings for those of you who are still going through hard things with trying to have kids or losing a baby. While I can never know exactly what someone else goes through, I do know that it's hard. I know how difficult it can be to feel happy for other people.  I know how easy it is to feel jealous, and how bad that can make you feel. I know that it just really, really sucks.

And I want to say I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for what you've been through and what you're still going through. Just because we've gained this blessing doesn't mean I don't remember what that pain feels like. I will always remember--it is so much a part of me now. And I'm just sorry. I'm sorry if the way we did announce our news was hard for anyone--trust me, I've been there. I hope you are reading this now, and you know that I still pray and want the best for you.

Please know you can talk to me anytime.  I understand if you don't want to--been there too. But just because we're expecting doesn't mean I'm going to forget how difficult this can be for anyone.  I have prayed that good things would come from our experience.  And good things have come.  One of those is that Greg and I are willing and able to talk to anyone who might need to talk.  We might not say the exact right things, but we love you.

Last thing--I know you are probably super sick of getting advice from people. If it really annoys you--and that is TOTALLY fine--just skip this part.

There are some things that worked for us that I might share.

1. Reach out. Even if you are not a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I would recommend looking at perspectives on infertility at lds.org.  Just reading other people's experiences helped me to know I wasn't alone.  Also, blogs are fantastic.  I made some friends from all different backgrounds, and these friends communicated with me and supported both of us in wonderful ways.

2. Don't take You Are Fine and You Will Probably Conceive Real Soon for an answer if you expect something is really wrong (this seems to me to be an especially prevalent mindset in Utah). Sometimes you will conceive naturally on your own "real soon." Sometimes there are other things that need to be addressed, so if you have suspicions, I want you to march right into a good clinic and sit your little tushie down on the receptionist's desk until someone listens to you.  Chances are they will listen to you, and it might even be more affordable than you think.

3. Don't compare yourself to other people.  Just don't.

4. Miracles do happen.  I stayed awake many nights hurting all over because it just never seemed like things would work out.  But they did.

So let me know if you want to talk. Facebook or email are good.  We hope we can still help anyone who needs it.  Love, Greg and Heather