So our lives for the past month have been different than Greg and I thought they would be. Different, but the way they were supposed to be.
We received an unexpected blessing this week. We started working on getting a marker for Austin and Danny as soon as we could, but we were warned that it would take 4 weeks to get it made, and that the cemetery did not allow markers to be put in during the winter because the ground is too wet. A nice lady at Memorial Art in Springville told us as gently as she could that the marker most likely wouldn't be in until March.
This broke my heart. It's hard to go to my little boys empty-handed. Sometimes I just feel like I have so little to give them. It's hard to go with nothing to take for them and nothing to leave, and we just can't afford flowers every time we go. It was so so hard to walk away from that unmarked spot. So hard. And I couldn't bear to leave it empty all winter.
But, like I said, Greg and I have seen a tiny miracle in that our little boys' marker was laid this past week. Now everyone knows they are there. They are such good little boys. Everyone needs to know this is where they are. Now it isn't so empty.
Thank you for everyone who helped with donations to make this possible. Greg and I were set on giving our little twins a resting place, and we were so amazed and humbled at the people in our lives who innately understood how important this would be for us and who so selflessly gave. In the end, we received enough that all of the mortuary, cemetery, and memorial fees were covered. We are so humbled by that. Thank you so much. It means everything to me.
This is the Angel Garden. It is such a sacred place to us.
We are doing okay. Every time I feel sad, I remind myself that I haven't missed out on anything. Not one thing. I will have all the experiences and time with my Austin and Daniel that a Mother would usually have, if I try my hardest to do what's right. Greg and I will raise them together. We are a family, and we always will be. This is only possible through the Atonement. It increases my love for the Savior and my appreciation of what it is that He has done for me.
Sometimes our greatest trials are also our greatest blessings in disguise.