Going Home

This is Jacksonville.

Greg and I officially accepted the offer to go back to JnJ in Florida.  Start date is May 27. We both feel really good about it.  Yes, it's far away, but we feel like this is an awesome thing for us to do. Most importantly, we've felt like there are opportunities to serve in the church there, and that's actually our highest priority. 

And to be honest, Greg and I both feel kind of like we're going home. 

In some ways, I can't believe real life is starting. I have a degree.  My husband has a job offer.  I'm working on my Master's.  AND, we're having a baby. 

And soon we will be returning to paradise. 

Life is good. 

Our Conversations Have Changed

Me:  I think it is WAYYY too early to think about wearing maternity clothes.

(Pause)

Greg: But, uhh...

Me: Yeah?

Greg: But you don't own a pair of jeans that fits you.

Good point, Greg.  Good point.

Job Offer!

So, today we got the call! Johnson and Johnson in Jacksonville, Florida, has officially given Greg his offer to return to the company after he graduates.  The offer is not just for any old entry-level position.  It’s for a rotational FDP program.  Basically, it is meant to stand in place of an MBA program and give Greg experiences working in a lot of different areas.  A rotational program at a big-name company looks SUPER COOL on a resume (which is important, because we actually do want to do the MBA eventually).

We are pretty excited around here.  We knew that Greg had done well at his co-opt.  His manager was really fighting for him to come back, and he did a lot of work on high-visibility projects.  One of his projects he presented directly to the company CFO, which had never been done before. But, at the same time, you just never know with these things.  JnJ told Greg that they might have 0 spots open for anyone at all, and obviously there are a lot of candidates, so we knew there was a chance we might not be able to return. But looks like we can head back to the Sunshine State in May if we want to!  I’m so proud of Greg.  He works hard, he learns, and he remembers what he learns. Pretty much, he’s cool.  

We have a week to give them our response.  We’ve already thought a lot about going back to Florida, but I’m sure we’ll do some more thinking in the meantime. Because it’s a rotational program, we won’t be spending the whole time in Florida, we’ll actually go to a different JnJ umbrella company after a year, which means we’ll spend some time probably in New Jersey (???), Philadelphia (!!!) or California (!?!). There are a lot of things we need to consider, especially since just earlier today Greg had an interview with another company who sometimes sends people to Israel or Singapore.  Living international would be so awesome! But it’s also a long shot.

Anyway, all musings aside, we are just really grateful that things have worked out this way.  We feel blessed that we’ve always felt directed about what to pursue and where to go. I’m excited we have this opportunity, and I'm happy for Greg.  Growing up is such an adventure. 

Follow-up

First of all, we're so grateful for all the well-wishes and supportive responses we've received.  Thank you everyone! It means a lot to us.

Second, I've been thinking about some things I'd like to acknowledge.  I've been thinking about them for weeks and weeks, actually.

I just really want to express my feelings for those of you who are still going through hard things with trying to have kids or losing a baby. While I can never know exactly what someone else goes through, I do know that it's hard. I know how difficult it can be to feel happy for other people.  I know how easy it is to feel jealous, and how bad that can make you feel. I know that it just really, really sucks.

And I want to say I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for what you've been through and what you're still going through. Just because we've gained this blessing doesn't mean I don't remember what that pain feels like. I will always remember--it is so much a part of me now. And I'm just sorry. I'm sorry if the way we did announce our news was hard for anyone--trust me, I've been there. I hope you are reading this now, and you know that I still pray and want the best for you.

Please know you can talk to me anytime.  I understand if you don't want to--been there too. But just because we're expecting doesn't mean I'm going to forget how difficult this can be for anyone.  I have prayed that good things would come from our experience.  And good things have come.  One of those is that Greg and I are willing and able to talk to anyone who might need to talk.  We might not say the exact right things, but we love you.

Last thing--I know you are probably super sick of getting advice from people. If it really annoys you--and that is TOTALLY fine--just skip this part.

There are some things that worked for us that I might share.

1. Reach out. Even if you are not a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I would recommend looking at perspectives on infertility at lds.org.  Just reading other people's experiences helped me to know I wasn't alone.  Also, blogs are fantastic.  I made some friends from all different backgrounds, and these friends communicated with me and supported both of us in wonderful ways.

2. Don't take You Are Fine and You Will Probably Conceive Real Soon for an answer if you expect something is really wrong (this seems to me to be an especially prevalent mindset in Utah). Sometimes you will conceive naturally on your own "real soon." Sometimes there are other things that need to be addressed, so if you have suspicions, I want you to march right into a good clinic and sit your little tushie down on the receptionist's desk until someone listens to you.  Chances are they will listen to you, and it might even be more affordable than you think.

3. Don't compare yourself to other people.  Just don't.

4. Miracles do happen.  I stayed awake many nights hurting all over because it just never seemed like things would work out.  But they did.

So let me know if you want to talk. Facebook or email are good.  We hope we can still help anyone who needs it.  Love, Greg and Heather

For This Child I Prayed

This is a statue that Greg bought for me a while ago. 

I love it.  I have always loved it.

But, to be honest, sometimes it made me sad.

So, Greg, being the discerning and wonderful man that he is, discreetly put it away.  It hasn’t been out of the box in more than a year.

But, a few weeks ago, Greg pulled it back out, and put it up for me.  And I cried. 

Because we are—finally—having a healthy baby. 

Due date: March 17, 2014.

The blog is relatively recent.  But this—this news—for us has been literally years in coming.

I am extremely grateful to everyone who has helped us out along the way.  I am very grateful to my Heavenly Father who has answered this prayer and answered many, many others in the meantime.

 

But I have been nervous that something would go wrong.  But it hasn’t.  Nothing has gone wrong.  We have had two really good appointments.  I saw our baby on the screen, just the exact size it was supposed to be.  I forgot to ask for a photo because I was such a mess and so relieved.  And I heard the gentle swish-swish-swish of the heartbeat, strong and perfect.

We got this baby with some help…the last set of femara, follistim, ovidrel, and IUI paid off.  To me, it is just a specific example that hard work and patience pay off. 

March 17.  March 17. March 17.  WE ARE SO EXCITED.

1 Samuel 1:27.

Graduate School, Or, How I Got Thrown Out of a Class at ASU

Okay, so I know I've been a slacker blogger, and to be honest I'll be surprised if anyone is still reading this. But now that we have (semi) reliable internet in our new apartment in Provo that has a (slightly) acceptable speed, I should be blogging much more often.

But only if graduate school and working part-time does not kill me.

Yes, I started the ASU Liberal Studies program last week.  So far, it hasn't been too terrible or time-consuming, although with a few projects and some longish papers due in the next 6 weeks, I know it will get harder. I was taking 2 classes that span for 7.5 weeks--or, at least, I WAS.  Now I suppose I still am taking two classes, but to be honest, I am confused about it.  Here's why.

One of my core classes was a Film Theory and Analysis class (the other is Ethics and Science-BLEH).  I am not sure why this is a core class, but it is.  I've never taken a film class  before, so I was kind of interested and thought it would be a pretty good experience, or at least a better experience than my Ethics class (again, BLEHHHH).

I did realize before class that there would probably be rated R movies on the syllabus.  This is a problem for me because it is part of my religious and personal standards as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints not to watch rated R movies. (Yes, I've heard the argument that exposure to violence and s.exuality makes a person more in tune with the human condition.  But I think that more often, it just makes you more used to violence, and less careful in making wise moral choices. These two things are something our society should be super concerned about, in my opinion.)

Back to ASU.  While I guessed there would be rated R movies, I thought the number would be limited, and I could find a way to get reliably edited versions or make other arrangements.  It would all work out.

Then I looked at the syllabus.

Every single movie was rated R.  All of them.  All, that is, except for a few which were unrated.  Looking at the movies, I am not sure that this meant the movies were harmless.  There was also one film with a rating I did not even recognize.

Let's just say, I did some research and now know what the rating means.  It means NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER LET A PERSON UNDER THE AGE OF 17 WATCH THIS MOVIE.  If that's not clear enough for you, I will just say that the film was totally banned in several COUNTRIES.

Yeah.  The whole country.  Multiples countries, actually.

So, this story is beginning to be very long-winded, but I will finish soon.  I started looking at options for edited movies.  I looked at subscriptions, TV versions, BYU versions, possible Netflix edited versions, everything.  But there were some movies that I could just not locate, probably because A) they were foreign or not mainstream titles, or B) there was so much bad stuff that no one had attempted to edit them.  One source basically said, "If this movie were edited, nothing would be left but the opening credits and....yeah, that's pretty much it."

I also began to feel uncomfortable with watching edited versions.  How did I know the editing job could be trusted?  Was I still keeping my standards if I allowed someone else to determine that a movie was now acceptable for me to watch?  I was also uncomfortable with the idea of just not watching the movies and trying to struggle through the course by making up crap whenever I was expected to talk about the movies. That isn't honest, and I would be insinuated that I had watched the movie, instead of standing up for what I believed in.  I couldn’t drop the class, because the drop deadline was already over (that came speedy quick!), and it was a core class anyway. I did know one thing--I wouldn't be watching the films.

I emailed the professor, trying to explain my situation in as humble and clear a way as possible.  I did not know how she would react.  After all, we’re not at BYU anymore, Toto.
And can I just say, she was totally lovely about it.  She accepted my standards gracefully, but she also told me I couldn’t participate in the class discussion without watching the full versions of the films that were on the syllabus.  She told me she had talked with the Liberal Studies program manager (eek!) and that he had told me I could drop the class with special permission and take a Reading and Conference class with him, where the material would be up to my own discretion.  This had been a solution I had never considered before! She then bid me farewell.

My first thought:  I was just kicked out of a college class!

My second thought:  I’m so grateful my professor had the decency to kick me out of class!

The second thought probably should have been my first.

Some things  I’ve learned:
A) While ASU is definitely run different than BYU, people are willing to work with you.  I appreciate that immensely.
B) It is totally worth it to lose credit for classwork you have already completed if it benefits you in other awesome ways.  Sunk cost, my friends, sunk cost.
C) My other class is with the same professor.  It is about Ethics.  I could not have demonstrated my opinion on ethics any more clearly than I already have.

Okay, long-winded post and pointless story over.  It feels weird and good to be back in school again.

Nauvoo

Okay, so I know that the events that happened in these pictures took place awhile ago, but hey, you still want to know what we did in Nauvoo, right?

We first drove in to the Carthage Jail, where we met my parents.  They had flown in to see this leg of the trip with us, and it was fun to have them there! We took in a lot of sites in the general Illinois/Missouri area in a few days.  It was fun to be in Nauvoo while the pageant was going on. Also, if you ever go to Nauvoo, make sure you see the show Sunset on the Mississippi.  It was super hilarious.

Here are some pictures (I know you want more):

Carthage Jail.  This is where Joseph and Hyrum were martyred.  It was a very humbling place to be.

The second story window and the well 

The Mississippi River driving into Nauvoo.  It was gorgeous! 

The burial site of Joseph, Emma, and Hyrum 

The Mansion House.  This is actually not owned by the LDS church. 

If you drive north out of Nauvoo and take a little walk into the woods, you find this old Nauvoo cemetery.  When Greg and I took a church history class from Susan Easton Black at BYU, she said she feels like this is one of the most sacred place in Nauvoo because so many faithful Saints were buried there, and this is where temple work was revealed. 

One of Greg's favorite tour sites in Nauvoo was the Browning gunsmith home/store.  Lots of guns. 

The ballroom on top of the Assembly Hall (or I think that's what it was called).  This was one of my favorite places.  The Senior Missionary lady said 5 prophets would have been in this room at one time (Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, John Taylor, Wilford Woodruff, Lorenzo Snow) 

Rocking chair made by Brigham Young 

I dragged my family to Sarah Granger Kimball's home outside of town.  This is where the Relief Society was formed! 

Nauvoo Temple.  We did a session here one of the mornings and that was really nice. 

Where the Saints would have left Nauvoo to go West.  This is also probably where a lot of the first baptisms for the dead were done. 

After we left Nauvoo, we went to Adam-ondi-Ahman. It was such a beautiful and peaceful place. 

This is where the cornerstones of the temple still stand in Far West. 

Haun's Mill.  There is not much here, but the church has just bought this site and is trying to locate where things would have been so that they can commemorate it better.  We had to drive through some seriously rough farm roads to get here.  I'm talking dirt paths with overgrown grass through someone's field.  But hey, Greg's GPS still found it. 

The temple site in Independence.  That curly building in the background belongs to the Church of Christ (RLDS) 

Liberty Jail.  They have rebuilt this jail from the original materials inside of another building.  This was a very powerful place to be. 

The loose rocks on the side made it so no one could tunnel out and escape. 

The Memorial at Richmond Cemetery.  This is where Oliver Cowdery is buried, but the grave site is not marked. 

And...looks like I finally took a picture of my parents.  I promise they were there the whole time! 

Anyways, after the trip ended, we drove to Idaho Falls by way of Kansas, Colorado and Wyoming.  And now we have less than a week until we can move back into our own apartment!  Yay!  This probably sounds silly but I'm excited to see our own furniture again!