Gratitude Post 4

About 4 or 5 years ago, I made a commitment to myself to read more. I love reading. Always have. But with a new baby and no pressing need to read more than was required for my Master's Degree, I had stopped reading very much for pleasure. 

I'm so glad I changed that. Now every year I keep track of all the books I read, and while this might be slightly obsessive, I absolutely love it. The last few years have led me to a very important conclusion: curiosity is the real intelligence. 

I'm grateful for books, because they teach me about my own ignorance. They help me have a little humility. They also get me excited about all the great people and places out there and what a wonderful big world it really is. That might sound cheesy, but it's true. Sometimes my convictions are strengthened when I read viewpoints that are different than mine, and sometimes I change my mind when I believe I've found better information. Indulging my curiosity is a great pleasure, and I'm glad to know that I don't have to be in school to always be learning and progressing. 

So, here's some of my favorite books I've read this year, just in case anyone is interested: 

And this one, which I haven't finished yet but which is excellent so far: 

Gratitude Post 3

 I am grateful for Greg. 

Without Greg, I probably wouldn't know I like hiking so much. I might not have a Master's Degree. I doubt I would have had so many wonderful adventures on the East Coast. Who would I share books with? And who would be a better dad to our kids? 

We were married very young, and we grew up together. I wouldn't change that for anything. Love you babe. 

Gratitude Post 2

 Today I'm grateful for the Sabbath Day and the opportunity we've had to worship at home. Here's Cal all dressed up for church. Look how big he is. 

Here's Brynn pretending to be King Benjamin earlier this year. 

Today as I wrestled my children during a remote Relief Society lesson, I thought, WOW, I cannot WAIT to just sit quietly at church while my kids go to their own classes. That sounds positively dreamlike. It makes me grateful for all the sacrifices people have been making for me and my family my whole life so that I could learn the gospel in a community setting. It also makes me happy that I've had opportunities to serve as well. 

That being said, the most important thing about the Sabbath is our ability to partake of the sacrament and remember the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and we've been able to do that every week in our own home. The sacrament is an ordinance where we take the bread and water to remind us of the body and blood of Jesus Christ. We renew our promise to Him to remember Him and live like Him, and we become clean as we strive to do these things. Because Greg has the priesthood power, he is able to bless the sacrament for us. How monumental is that? I know God wants us to feel close to Him, even and especially during times of upheaval and distress. How grateful I am that He has given us the means to worship no matter what. 

Gratitude Post 1

This week, members of my church were challenged to share one thing they are grateful for each day on social media. Well, lately I've really been feeling like I need a creative outlet. My intention has been to resurrect this blog and just spend some time writing, and this is the perfect time and opportunity to do it. 

So, what am I grateful for? This might sound cheesy or artificially academic, but I'm grateful for leaders, friends, and family that honor and celebrate the concept of gratitude. I'm not sure that really makes sense, so let me try to explain. 

Sometimes it's easy in life to be grateful, and sometimes it's not. Maybe this year is one of the years where it's been difficult to be grateful. Pandemic, anyone? 

We've been lucky to not be drastically impacted by Covid, and I hope not to minimize any of the issues that others have faced this year when I say that. But I can't say that we've come through totally unscathed. Brynn really, really, really needs to make friends. After moving 16 months ago, she STILL brings up all the friends she had in Florida. I miss playgroups and I miss talking with other moms and I miss Brynn being able to play with other kids in a totally unstructured way. If you can't tell, my kids have been driving me crazy lately, and being trapped in the house while having basically zero alone time has been hard for me. 

And that's why I needed so badly to be reminded that gratitude is important. And guess what? Gratitude is important even when it's hard. Gratitude is ESPECIALLY important even when it's hard. I'm grateful that my children are healthy. That's something I can never take for granted. I'm grateful that my home is safe and Greg's job is flexible. I'm grateful that we have still had some adventures this year, like going to Sedona and Bryce Canyon and Horseshoe Bend. I'm grateful that Brynn is still able to go to a few hours of preschool every week. I'm grateful that she is learning to read, and that I can be the one to teach her. Those lessons are treasures to me. 

So, all in all, I'm grateful that I can still feel gratitude, and I'm grateful that I can ALWAYS feel gratitude. I hope that blogging about that this week will help me to make this challenge authentic and personal, instead of just something I do thoughtlessly because I was asked to (not judging anyone here at all--I just know what I personally need to get out of this moment in time right now and I'm trying to be smart about the work I need to do in order to accomplish that). 

So here's to Thanksgiving, and here's to challenges that make us stronger. Stronger, and more grateful. 

We Went Adventuring

Guess what, guys?!?! I remembered I have a blog! And I declare the Zollinger Blog officially open for business! 

So here in Utah, WINTER is a thing. For a born and bred Arizona girl who came to adulthood in Florida, this is TRAGIC. I'm not being melodramatic. It is truly a HEINOUS CRIME how dark and cold it has been. People keep telling me that this has been a mild Utah winter and I'm like, DO YOU KNOW THERE ARE PLACES OUT THERE WHERE THE SUN STILL SHINES??? 

So right along about the middle of February, a trip was sounding pretty good. We bought ourselves one of those little hiking backpack thingies and called up my parents and asked them if they wanted to meet us in Sedona.

Cal is like, What is this thing? Have you guys lost your mind? 

I didn't know that I like red rock so much, but it turns out I do. After a few hours, Greg and I were planning our move to Sedona. Just kidding...I don't think there are many financial analyst jobs there. 

This was Brynn's first "real" hiking trip. She did beautifully! There was a bit of whining and some piggy back rides, but overall I was so proud of her great attitude. She climbed up this precarious crack in the rocks! She was definitely the youngest hiker who got to the top of Cathedral Rock (we left Callum part-way up with my mom). Someone was all, You guys must hike all the time!! And we said, "...yeeesssss." 

It's pretty though, right? 

She did it! 

Scrambling down. 

Boynton Canyon. 

Mom's turn to get the boy. 

Nap time on the go! 

Chapel of the Holy Cross. We didn't actually get to go inside because parking was monstrous, but it's a pretty amazing building. 

The little marketplace area was fun too.  Lots of galleries and statues and local candy stores and the like. Look at my SHORT SLEEVES. Here Cal and I are embodying the spirit of Sacajawea. 

I'm glad that living out here in the West affords us the opportunity to see beautiful places like this.  When we lived in Pennsylvania and Florida, we made sure to go exploring, never knowing how long we'd be out there or if those chances would come again. Even though we both grew up in the West, we have loved seeing that there are always new things to experience and adventure is really always on your doorstep. 

Catch-Up Photo Dump. My Babies Are So Big.

I looked through the blog just a bit ago, and it was fun to see all the memories we've made as a family the last few years. In an attempt to document all of the stuff that I, uh, haven't documented, here is a photo dump of some cool stuff we've been up to lately in the Zollinger household. No, it's not terrible that I'm trying to catch up on 3 months with one post. Deal with it.

We went to Bear Lake with Greg's family in August. Why is this the best picture I have? Not sure. But Callum is cute, right?

Brynn turned 4! She had a unicorn cake and got an Elsa doll. 

Also we celebrated Greg's birthday! The big 31. He got only one present. That's right, folks. Only one. In my defense, it's a REALLY BIG PRESENT. It's an EXPERIENCE. It's the same present I got for my birthday this year, and I'm sure we'll tell people about it when we go. I'm both excited and terrified. 

Brynn's first day of Preschool! She loves it. Look how big she is. 

AND Callum turned 1! It's crazy. We have a lot of birthdays in the late summer around here. I can't believe it's been a year since he was born. 

Blueberry mousse! Callum couldn't exactly request a cake flavor, but he is a BIG fan of blueberries. 

Callum has also decided that it can be fun to play at the park, even in cold weather. One of the things I like about where we live is that we can walk very easily to a pretty cool park. I'm trying really hard to get outside often, even if I wish it was warmer! Look how happy that boy is. 

We visited a pumpkin patch with Brynn's preschool. She wanted ALL the pumpkins. 

Here's Brynn in her little Halloween show. CUTE CUTE CUTE. 

Case in point: Brynn with her very first library card. Can you make out the name? That's right. She can write her name itself. I was not prepared for how proud/sentimental I was the first time she wrote her name without help. It's silly, but also wonderful. 

Well, that's just a few quick highlights from us. Maybe in a few years I'll look back and be glad that I can revisit these pictures. Children are only small once. 

So We Moved to Utah

Well, the title says it all.

On July 12 we packed up and shipped out.

Last trip to the beach. 

Found the world's largest easel on our drive. If you need to locate it, it's next to Bubba's Meat Block and Bill's Shootin' Shop. Thanks Aunt Megan for coming with us! 

Callum on move-in day. 

The bunnies at Aunt Cathy's house. Brynn is escaping. She is not really an animal person. 

Anyway, in April sometime, a recruiter for Qualtrics came looking for Greg, and we thought, why not? Let's see where this takes us. Qualtrics is a great company, and Greg has not been exactly thrilled with some things going on at JnJ lately. The whole time, I thought that there was NO WAY we'd ever actually take the job.

Well, the calls went well. The online chats went well. The in-person interview went well. Next thing I know, we get a job offer here in Provo.

Greg was happy. I was happy for Greg.

But I was not happy about moving to Utah.

So, I have to pause here. I always feel a little bit guilty when acknowledging that moving to Utah wasn't my big dream or anything like that. We both have family in Utah, and that's a really good thing, you know? Of course it's been fun being back closer to where we both grew up. It's also very nice to be back in Provo where we met and dated, and there's a special security in knowing that Austin and Daniel's resting place is close by and I can go visit them whenever I want. It's also pretty cool that there are lots more temples out here than in Florida.

But, you know what?

I liked Florida. I loved Florida. I loved the storms that came off the ocean. I loved the walls of green forests that sheltered brackish creeks and turtles and alligators and dark musty swamp earth. I loved the dragonflies as big as my palms. I loved the swelter and the night-time noises of frogs in our backyard. Once that sand gets in your bloodstream you never really get it out.

I liked having adventures. I liked being with Greg and my kids out on our own. I liked traveling up to Savannah or Charleston or Atlanta. For crying out loud, I liked our DISNEY PASSES. I'm a wandering soul. And that's the way I like it. I would move 100 times before I grow old, just to experience something new. That doesn't mean I don't want roots. Of course, I miss my friends and my beautiful home back in Jacksonville.

And that's the thing. People treat me like I have roots in Utah that I must have been dying to get back to. But I didn't. If anything, I had roots in Jacksonville. Roots in the swamp country and roots that climbed into the ocean and wanted to float forever in the waves.

"Aren't you so glad to be back home?" people ask. Well, I suppose. In some ways. But Utah was never really my home.

I always dreamed that we would make it back up to the Northeast eventually. If we were going to move, that's where I wanted to go next. Back to Pennsylvania and the 200 year old farm houses and the winding roads built on colonial wagon tracks and the weekend trips into New York City.

But now we live in Utah. And Utah is...Utah.

I'm getting used to it. I miss my house. We are renting a new little townhome in Vineyard and it's kind of terrible. I miss being a homeowner. I miss having my own yard and not having strangers walk right outside my window. But it's fine.

I have really loved being closer to family. We've already been to my grandmother's 90th birthday party and a few other things that we otherwise would have just missed out on.

But I don't think the wanderlust will ever really go away. I crave new places. I want bright shores. I want big lands. I'm already planning where we'll go next. "Home" is with Greg and Brynn and Cal. Home is somewhere else. I'm homesick, but I don't even know where "Home" is exactly. Home is a feeling, and it's not a feeling that I have here.

I was heartbroken to leave Florida. Greg loves his job at Qualtrics and it does me good to see him happy. I know that this move was the right thing for our family, but that doesn't mean it was easy.

I guess we'll see where we end up. For now, I'm enjoying the journey and we have plans to experience new things here in Utah. That's enough for now. So why am I itching to move again? Because I am, and we just got here.