24 Weeks!

We made it! Today we reached 24 weeks and viability.

I've been counting down to this day since I found out I was pregnant in December. We knew at the beginning of this pregnancy that things could go two ways. I could have a totally normal, healthy pregnancy, or, I could be susceptible to a lot of serious problems. Because of the nature of our past experiences, we had no way of knowing what was going to happen. Sometimes I had a strong feeling that everything was going to be just fine. Sometimes I was scared that I was never going to be able to make it this far. But we did. I know it's still really early and there are still some things that could be difficult. But I also know how big of a milestone this is and I don't think I could describe how lucky I feel.

In general, things are going just about as perfectly as they could. My shortest cervical measurement to date is still the one they took right before they put the stitch in. Every measurement since then has been average or even on the long side. Last week we did an echocardiogram on Baby's heart because her initial NT measurement was a little off, but they didn't find any evidence of heart defects at all. Yay! They told me at that appointment that she weighs around 1 lb, 6 oz. I know it's crazy, but that seems "big" to me.

To celebrate, here's a picture. I sort of have a thing with belly shots. Like, I sort of hate them. BUT my rational side knows that there isn't any reason to. So here goes.

Next stop: 28 weeks and 1000 grams! 

Baby Dress

So, a couple weeks ago I had the idea that now was a really good time to practice sewing, since I actually have a reason to sew stuff right now. For awhile I resisted making stuff for this baby, not because I didn't love her but because it's just scary. But it's important to have some things and I always wanted to be able to approach this pregnancy with optimism. So a couple weeks ago I decided it was time to start sewing.

Here's my finished product! I have to say I'm quite happy about it:

I'm not good at following patterns, and this was a 1985 Butterick. But after a lot of time of staring at some weird pictures and googling some sewing blogs, I got it all figured out--trim, gathered skirt, collar, and all. Go me. Personally I think the little panties are kind of weird. Is it just me, or does the crotch part look a little skimpy? Whatever. 

I even learned how to do buttonholes. Obviously I improved over time: 

One of the hardest parts was gathering the skirt, not because it was complicated, but because my stupid thread kept breaking. Once I did it in sections and stopped pulling so hard, it got easier. The other hard part was figuring out the button placket thing and the self facings on the back, but once I did some searching on youtube it made WAY more sense. I can use single-fold bias tape like a BOSS now: 

I made a little headband with some pretty elastic to match. Hope it doesn't squeeze her head too much. 

It took me kind of a long time to figure everything out and get it done just the way I wanted it. At some point, my mother-in-law's borrowed sewing machine turned into a hat rack. That's okay I guess. Go Round Rock Express. 

How I Understand Easter

I thought tonight that while Greg is at Priesthood session I should study about Easter. Honestly, I haven't done a great job of thinking about it recently and I wanted to change that, even if I'm late. So I pulled up a talk that Elder Oaks gave awhile ago about the Resurrection. The scripture John 14:19 really stuck out to me: "Because I live, ye shall live also." 

This scripture encompasses all the things I believe about Easter and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It gives me hope as I think about the past and also the future. 

Maybe I need to say here that much of my scripture study right now is very colored by what's going on in our lives. For anyone who didn't know, I'm currently 18 weeks pregnant with a very healthy, very active little girl. Things are great so far. We are happy. We are optimistic. We feel blessed beyond measure. 

But I have to admit that sometimes I'm also a little scared. So as I read about Easter and the life and death of Jesus Christ I was thinking also about our little girl. While I've tried not to think about it too much, I began to wonder how I would handle it if I delivered her too early. It occurred to me that maybe I could ask Heavenly Father to allow her to be born alive so we could be with her in life, even if just for a little while. Then I thought about how beautiful and wonderful it is that God may allow her to be healthy and full-term at birth and she will live with me and Greg and go home with us. That just feels amazing to me. 

This joy and amazement I feel at contemplating her life is the same joy that I can feel for myself and love ones because God has given all of us the incredible gift of life. I mean this for Austin and Daniel too. We all can live together in happiness because of what Christ has done for us. We all have this incredible gift of life because of His sacrifice and love. It really is amazing. Almost too good to be true--but true all the same. 

This is the meaning and purpose of celebrating Easter. Life is beautiful and it is good because of Him. 

"Because I live, ye shall live also." 

There is nothing more true than this. 

Happy Easter. 

Love,

Heather

Et-tot

A little over a week ago, Greg and I did our second round of Disney and spent a day at Epcot, or, as the 4-year-daughter of my good friend calls it, Et-tot.

The first area of Epcot has futuristic rides and is focused a lot on technology. My favorite ride was Test Track, were you design your own car and the ride gives you your ratings as you drive around. The schnazzy racecar that Greg and I designed definitely bested the truck-like invention of the small children who sat in front of us. Perhaps I should not have gloated, but I sort of did. 

The next part of Epcot is a bunch of buildings and rides and shows and restaurants that showcase countries from around the world, all situated around a lake. All of the workers at the country stations are actually native to the country in question. It was fun to interact with them. 

Inside the ancient Mayan temple in Mexico: 

Outside in front of the entrance:

We contemplated Greg's heritage as we meandered through Norway. Here's a shout-out to you, Iselin. You should come work in Florida. 

China: 

Italy (I think): 

Morocco, the abode of Aladdin and Jasmine. The tiled courtyards actually reminded Greg of Spain: 

Japan: 

Another fun day at Disney, all in all. The architecture really reminded Greg and I how much we want to travel some day. We got lucky and were just in the right place at the right time to watch a lot of the street shows they put on. There was a Chinese acrobat and dance company that was really amazing and fun to watch, and a renaissance Italian flag-waving show, which was more entertaining than it sounds, and Japanese drummers and other stuff I'm sure I've forgotten. 

There was only one disappointment...there are food booths set up around the lake, and we didn't bring a lot of other food with us because we thought we could get a good meal from taste-testing a few of the $3 plates from a bunch of different countries. We made the mistake of paying $6.50 for a few bites of lamb doused in a super weird mint pesto and crushed up potato chips, courtesy of Australia. I mean, I like Australians as much as anybody, but we were kind of disillusioned after that. We ended up giving up on the food carts and ate lunch in China. 

Lunch in China. No big deal. 

Feliz Cumple, Heather

So I've been waiting a good couple of months to say I'm 24. Twenty-four just sounds WAYYY better than 23, you know?

I did this for my birthday:

Yeah. Went to the ocean to go "running." Mostly I just sat around and thought about how pleasant the beach is. This is your cue to be enormously jealous. 

^ This meanie crab attacked me though, so be grateful you missed out on that. 

Greg told me he's a really good wrapper. After a few birthdays, I'm not entirely convinced. They look a little lumpy, right? The reason why is because Greg tries to disguise all his presents. My shoes were wrapped up in an old Carhartt sweatshirt and my vase was in a shoe box that wasn't closed all the way. Whatever. I'm cool with that. 

If Greg has questionable wrapping skills, his shoe shopping skills are top notch. Better than mine, actually. He picked these out all by himself. Super cute, right? Look at that plaid on the sides. All I told them him was that I needed sturdy, cute-ish shoes that I could wear in the Florida rain. And now I have my first pair of Sperry's. Score, Greg. Score. 

I also got this pitcher. I always like looking at pitchers. I just think a nice vase with good lines and a good shape with flowers in it is just fresh and lovely. But I never buy them for myself. It was a fun surprise present. My husband has a good fashion sense, I'm realizing. 

What birthday is complete without Reese's as a present? No birthday. 

The "cake" was a little special this year. Normally I'm a birthday cake purist. No other dessert will do. And since high school I've typically made my cake myself just for quality control purposes (no offense, general family members who have made cake for my birthday). This year I really felt like instead of cake I just wanted a fatty cheesecake of some sort. So I pulled out my trusty Hershey's cookbook and did a special dark three layer chocolate cheesecake. 

Divine, my friends. DIVINE. 

Happy birthday. To me.  

Four Years, and Disney on a Whim

The cool part about my non-pregnant state? I can go to Disney and ride whatever I want, whenever I want. 

MWAHAHAHAHA. 

Today is our four year anniversary, and we celebrated in style. Last week we bought a four day pass to the happiest place on earth, mostly for our four year anniversary, and also partly for my birthday, and also partly because we're adults and we can go to Disney if we want to. 

We spent Saturday in the Magical Kingdom. Excuse my washed-out appearance, I was just not going to worry about being cute and stuff. Us in the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse: 

On a raft going out to Tom Sawyer's island: 

The Castle. Dreams come true and all that jazz. (Also a fellow in an orange shirt). 

Thanks to Heather's research, we did the park like pros. We rode Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain, and The Pirates of the Caribbean all within an hour of parking. Disney is so commercialized, so predictable. But I'm always surprised at my own nostalgia, the way that musty smell inside Pirates makes me feel like a wild ten-year-old, the way the first glimpse of the castle makes me want to point and show people, the way I scream on Space Mountain just kinda because I want to. Call me sentimental, but it's a good feeling, you know? 

We have three more days...three more parks. Prepare to be inundated with blurry photographic evidence of our travels (if I can get myself to blog, that is). 

Four years. It's crazy. I had never meant to get married that young--and I told him so. 

But I wouldn't change anything. Through everything, our marriage has always been good and strong and happy. I think I have smiled more with him than I ever did in the whole rest of my life put together. I could go on with this cheesy stuff forever, but I'll just say that we are strong. We are just strong. The last four years have been the hardest of my life, but also the best, and I wouldn't change a thing.  

October 4th - One Year

I've been confused over the past month about what exactly this day is for us. This demonstrates, I think, one of the smaller heartaches that accompanies a life experience like this. We just don't have the language to describe the loss. What is it? Austin and Daniel's one year birthday? One year since a miscarriage? One year since the stillbirth of our sons? Sometimes I feel a little bit like I'm just stumbling around in the darkness in a very large room, and I don't know where the walls are or how long I'll keep looking, and all I can feel is the floor, and the floor is cold.

But other times I feel like I'm sitting in an open field with my hands folded, and there is sunshine everywhere. I decided a few weeks ago that I would simply think of this day, October 4th, as the year anniversary of the hardest and the happiest day of my life.

One year ago today I made such difficult decisions. One year ago today I was so extremely angry. One year ago today I labored for three and a half hours with hardly any help because I knew I had to be as aware as possible, and because I wanted to feel every bit of pain I could because I wondered if later the pain would be the only thing I would have left, and the only thing I could hang on to.

But all of that just pales in comparison to the blessings that we saw. One year ago today I felt the Spirit stronger than I ever have before. One year ago today I was told exactly what to do. One year ago today I gave a strong declaration that I would keep my covenants. One year ago today we saw the Atonement working in the most profound of ways. And one year ago today I held my children for the first time, and Austin looked more like Greg, and Danny looked more like me, and they were just absolute troopers. They did so well. And I have never been more proud in my entire life.

Today we did what we could to remember. Oaklawn Cemetery here in Jacksonville is beautiful, with spanish moss hanging from the trees and a riverbed running through. We walked in the quiet and found children. A set of siblings who both passed away in the fifties, and a set of siblings who passed away in the thirties, and others, too. We had two dozen roses and we made sure that all of them we could find were remembered. Of course, they don't really need the flowers. The ways their parents love them could never be fully described, and God himself is aware of these children in the most beautiful of ways.

We kept two flowers, just for us. One for Austin, one for Daniel. Now they are on my kitchen table, and they don't make me sad. They make me happy.

I don't know if anyone visited Austin and Daniel today. I hope some did, not because Austin and Daniel need it, and not even exactly because I need it, but more because I think that it is a place on earth where we can understand what is really important.

I know that things work out. I know the gospel never ceases to work. I know we are stronger than we seem, and I am grateful for a God who lets us realize it.